I cleaned out my dresser. Sounds unimportant. It is not. You would have to know me but I don’t think I have cleaned it out since around 1990 or so. Except for when I moved. I found 8 pillowcases, some matching. And 10 pair of underwear, plus 2 that are of a weird fabric and tight. I found a shirt that I was looking for. And 5 sheets. And 8 bars of assorted soap. Next I will see if any of the pillowcases match the sheets. This reminded me of my hodge podge of a life and the way that I take in information, cram it in with no organization, hide away secrets and will sometimes open myself up to anyone and tell all. I like it.
The significance of this task is that I am finally getting some things done around here. I still have pain. I spent the last half of yesterday in bed whining about my pain. I feel better today, no whining yet. And the realization that I take small steps in my life and my pace has nothing to do with the next guy. I cannot keep up with most of you. That’s ok. I look at the big picture. Have I had any fun today? Have I smiled? Have I said something nice to someone? Yes. It is a good day.
Will continue painting if my leg pain doesn’t get me. I like what Louise Nipper told me the other day. She said that I struggle with my life but I come up smiling every time. She thinks I’m strong. And today I guess I am. Peace.
A pink envelope makes me happy, especially when I know that God put it there for me. I just finished a card for someone and reached into my desk drawer and pulled out a pretty pink envelope and thought, gee, this matches. It’s been in there for a long while. I find that if I notice things like this I can associate these coincedences with God, meaning I buy or procure things that have a way of fitting into my life sometimes years down the road that were just waiting for that right moment to be used, to be just the right thing at the time and then I think, “God put that there for me…” If you look and listen you will notice, too.
Going to Trinity to Momma’s house for the Yellow Rose Conference. It is a gathering of AA members for meetings and speakers and fun and always makes my life better. And I get to see old and good friends and have a good time! I am happy about this. I can’t help but think about all of the sick friends out there and the families who are worried and grieving about things that are going on and I send prayers to God for healing and comfort for all of them.
I feel happy. I feel happy. Everyone have a blessed and joyful next few days! Peace.
Well, I woke up with horrible neuropathy. I was itching inside all over and my leg hurt. My hands and feet felt numb but hurting at the same time. The phrase ran through my mind “Be grateful and focus on others” but I cant’t do that right now. All I can do is feel pain. All I can do is think “why me?”. But then I decided to take action. I forced myself to get up, I made coffee. I took and extra Neurontin and 3 Alleve instead of the mobic. I sat at my table and organized it. I started to feel better. The pain was still there but tolerable. I made some oatmeal. I had coffee and oatmeal with honey. I studied the spoon that I ate my oatmeal with. It is old and tarnished and I noticed the pretty pattern. I felt better.
The point is that we all have one day to live our lives. If we are lucky we get another. I feel like giving up most days. But I will not quit. I will make the best of this day. If I can’t do what I want I will be satisfied with what I do accomplish. Thank you to God for giving me life. We are all in the same boat. Nothing is guranteed. I again say to myself, “just live this day as it comes,” and embrace my serenity. This is the cornerstone of AA. It’s hard to get this concept, some folks never do. But today I understand.
I thank Tami and Nugene for helping me last night during one of my bad spells.
I am looking forward to The Yellow Rose Conference this weekend! I am so self-centered but am working on it. Sometimes I feel like kicking my ego to the curb. This conference is good for that!