I am a chest of drawers.

dresser

I cleaned out my dresser.  Sounds unimportant.  It is not.  You would have to know me but I don’t think I have cleaned it out since around 1990 or so.  Except for when I moved. I found 8 pillowcases, some matching.  And 10 pair of underwear, plus 2 that are of a weird fabric and tight.  I found a shirt that I was looking for.  And 5 sheets. And 8 bars of assorted soap.  Next I will see if any of the pillowcases match the sheets.  This reminded me of my hodge podge of a life and the way that I take in information,  cram it in with no organization, hide away secrets and will sometimes open myself up to anyone and tell all.  I like it.

The significance of this task is that I am finally getting some things done around here. I still have pain.  I spent the last half of yesterday in bed whining about my pain.  I feel better today, no whining yet.  And the realization that I take small steps in my life and my pace has nothing to do with the next guy.  I cannot keep up with most of you. That’s ok.  I look at the big picture.  Have I had any fun today?  Have I smiled?  Have I said something nice to someone?  Yes.  It is a good day.

Will continue painting if my leg pain doesn’t get me.  I like what Louise Nipper told me the other day.  She said that I struggle with my life but I come up smiling every time. She thinks I’m strong.  And today I guess I am.  Peace.

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Happiness

A pink envelope makes me happy, especially when I know that God put it there for me.  I just finished a card for someone and reached into my desk drawer and pulled out a pretty pink envelope and thought, gee, this matches.  It’s been in there for a long while.  I find that if I notice things like this I can associate these coincedences with God, meaning I buy or procure things that have a way of fitting into my life sometimes years down the road that were just waiting for that right moment to be used, to be just the right thing at the time and then I think, “God put that there for me…”  If you look and listen you will notice, too.

Going to Trinity to Momma’s house for the Yellow Rose Conference.  It is a gathering of AA members for meetings and speakers and fun and always makes my life better. And I get to see old and good friends and have a good time!  I am happy about this.  I can’t help but think about all of the sick friends out there and the families who are worried and grieving about things that are going on and I send prayers to God for healing and comfort for all of them.

I feel happy.  I feel happy.  Everyone have a blessed and joyful next few days!  Peace.pinky chi

One Day at a Time

art (36)Well, I woke up with horrible neuropathy. I was itching inside all over and my leg hurt. My hands and feet felt numb but hurting at the same time. The phrase ran through my mind “Be grateful and focus on others” but I cant’t do that right now. All I can do is feel pain. All I can do is think “why me?”. But then I decided to take action. I forced myself to get up, I made coffee. I took and extra Neurontin and 3 Alleve instead of the mobic. I sat at my table and organized it. I started to feel better. The pain was still there but tolerable. I made some oatmeal. I had coffee and oatmeal with honey. I studied the spoon that I ate my oatmeal with. It is old and tarnished and I noticed the pretty pattern. I felt better.
The point is that we all have one day to live our lives. If we are lucky we get another. I feel like giving up most days. But I will not quit. I will make the best of this day. If I can’t do what I want I will be satisfied with what I do accomplish. Thank you to God for giving me life. We are all in the same boat. Nothing is guranteed. I again say to myself, “just live this day as it comes,” and embrace my serenity. This is the cornerstone of AA. It’s hard to get this concept, some folks never do. But today I understand.
I thank Tami and Nugene for helping me last night during one of my bad spells.
I am looking forward to The Yellow Rose Conference this weekend!  I am so self-centered but am working on it.  Sometimes I feel like kicking my ego to the curb. This conference is good for that!

When in doubt, read!

Last night I watched TSOTU with Tami, Nugene and Bob.  It was a house of conservatives.  I couldn’t hear very well.  As usual I was my snide and cynical self.  I went home and ate chicken spaghetti leftovers and hogged the 1 1/2 leftover brownies that I hid from Lou and they were awesome!  I think I will make another batch today to share.  Anyway, the point being that this morning when I got up I still had my phone on the speech and began to read.  It was good.  I may not agree with everything in it but I was proud of what he said.  I want to like him.  I never will but he can give a good speech and I especially liked the last of the speech where he talked about the American people.  I hope we can be a force for good in this world.  “WE THE PEOPLE”  He had some wonderful things to say about us.  Like this excerpt:

They’re out there, those voices. They don’t get a lot of attention, nor do they seek it, but they are busy doing the work this country needs doing.

I see them everywhere I travel in this incredible country of ours. I see you. I know you’re there. You’re the reason why I have such incredible confidence in our future. Because I see your quiet, sturdy citizenship all the time.

Or this one:

But democracy does require basic bonds of trust between its citizens. It doesn’t work if we think the people who disagree with us are all motivated by malice, or that our political opponents are unpatriotic. Democracy grinds to a halt without a willingness to compromise; or when even basic facts are contested, and we listen only to those who agree with us. Our public life withers when only the most extreme voices get attention. Most of all, democracy breaks down when the average person feels their voice doesn’t matter; that the system is rigged in favor of the rich or the powerful or some narrow interest.

I will be reading all speeches from now on, especially in this important time to choose a new president.  I hope.  I hope that my choice is the right one and I am silly enough to still believe that good will win.

A blog for Nugene.

fish magicWell, here is one of my favorite paintings by Paul Klee.  A Swiss genius who really inspired me way back in the 70s.  This is called “Fish Magic” and I first saw it in our Childcraft Encyclopedias back when I was 5 or 6.  I get lost in it, it is a treasure.  This leads to my recent debacle with the antidepressant “Cymbalta” which is poison to me.  This I found out the hard way…and increasing it showed me how right I was to stop taking it.  I had become someone else.  NO benefit!  I have been off of it now since New Years Eve day.  I have had some withdrawals that I have tolerated with the help of my friends and my Mom.  It has been 9 days.  I am getting my silly self back.  Enough so that I have been creating things again, 2 pieces so far and will have another done by Monday.  I will do a little fish picture like Klee, too.  Gotta get me some thicker paint in tubes for that.  What has Nugene done that has caused me to get better?  She is a constant, as is Tami.  They are both a big part of my mental health, we will be plotting something for the future later today but I just want to say thank you to both of them and to Momma for helping me get through this, also a word of thanks to Jim for being there, too.  Because of my friends, I will make it.

On another note, I purposely watched the movie “Species” last night just because it is so bad and the dialogue is ridiculous and it is the worst casting ever!  I laughed out loud.  Then I watched the end and it occurred to me that I have never watched the ending of it…what a turd. It was funny though.  Lots of goo and monster parts.  Michael Madsen with his downward glance for 2 hrs.  Forest Whitaker with his squint and incredible empathetic self to annoy.  Board straight Ben Kingsley stating the obvious throuout the movie…Alfred Molina with a unibrow and lastly Marg Hemingway as a biologist with a bad hairdo.  It’s a festival of badness.

On my agenda for today is a football game.  The Texans.  I am afraid to see which head of the quarterback monster will be playing.  I will be cringing along with Nugene in a little bit.  I will be posting my artwork on Facebook later.  Hint, they are for sale…!  Today I started a savings account with 75.00.  I feel pretty good.  I am thankful to God for my new life.  I am moving up and out!  Peace.

 

 

Not Quick on the Uptake. (or Intake!)

blue jay
I recently switched bird seed to one with no shells. The color is beige, no more black sunflower seeds. All nut meats! With a few peanuts and other grains and a few raisins or currants mixed in. I thought that the sparrows could sit there and not rake as much and I wouldn’t have as messy a porch. The first day I only had one visitor. A blue jay who was delighted. No sparrows…they all sat in the tree or fed off of the old seeds on the ground. The next day I had blue jays and nuthatches. They loved those seeds! I thought that maybe the color is so different that the sparrows think that the feeder is empty.  Wrong!  It has been several days now and the sparrows are figuring out that this seed is better!  They are adapting now.  Just like me…resistant to change, sticking with the old ways, refusing to try new methods.   Sometimes I am slow on the uptake.  I don’t get a joke right away sometimes.  I usually will turn the wrong way if I am in new terrain.  But, the more I trust in God, the better my compass.  I wandered around North Little Rock looking for a Radio Shack using the GPS and couldn’t figure out the directions and so I pulled into the closest parking lot and something inside said to look to the right and there it was!  That was God.  The King of the coincidence!  And I am thankful!  As are the little growing flock of sparrows at the feeder.  As a side note, several of my church family are having serious health problems, especially Wes Wilson so please pray for healing and that he can find the right treatment and doctors.  Another one may have cancer and a few have heart problems.  I pray for healing now!  Please bless each other by being a nice person today.  It takes no more time to say something politely rather than a harsh request or response.  And I am the Queen of Sharps sometimes!  Try and have a positive life, y’all, we are so blessed to be here when so many in Syria are fleeing for their lives!  May God help them as well!  Peace.

Love the Sparrow.

house sparrow
1. I am not in charge.
2. Most annoyances and aggravations I create myself.
I have a bird feeder with sunflower seeds on my porch here in Emerson, Arkansas. It is a source of joy and I never get bored with watching my friends. Lately a large number of house sparrows have been visiting and raking out the seeds so that by the end of the day it needs refilling. I have been annoyed and ticked off by the sparrows. This morning I have decided to have a different attitude about their behavior. I think of my behavior and know for certain the most days I do things that are wasteful or hurtful or idiotic and just keep right on doing them every day with no obvious consequence. Watching the sparrows “waste” seeds got me to thinking that the seeds aren’t being wasted, instead the birds eat the seeds on the porch or the ground and adapt and are just thankful to have food that is easily accessible. Squirrels and other birds don’t mind eating the dropped seeds. I applied what I could to myself, a lesson to learn, a reason to think about how many times I squander the gifts that I have been given by God, but yet He does not lose his temper or become frustrated with me or give up on me. The only one who gives up is me! What a spoiled brat I am. I am not preaching here, only reinforcing what I have been striving for lately…to have an attitude of acceptance, to let things be and give up my tenuous reins on the orchestration of my life. From now on I will embrace the sparrow, he has his reasons for raking seeds and just because I don’t understand it does not mean that I need to criticize him. If I can live my life as a destructive force at times then why should the behavior of a little bird bother me. I am not worthy to judge. Besides, they are comical and fun to watch when I look at it this way! Have a blessed day, y’all, and laugh about something and smile for no reason at a stranger. Some days that stranger is you.